The Hardest Parts of Life Make Us Stronger......

The past week has been really tough.  I miss having my husband home.  Just typing it makes me want to cry.  I haven't been able to sleep all week, so I am very very tired.  I can't remember ever being so worn out.  I do believe this week has been the hardest period of this whole walk with Acute Myeloid Leukemia.  My precious husband has hit a spot where he has been sick and very tired.  Every night I have to leave him to come home really makes it harder.  All I can do is cry all the way home.  His mouth is severely sore with blisters and so forth from the chemo. His body is weak from no blood and platelets and he is in pain.  He is pale with no colors in his lips and all I can do is just sit and watch.  He has constant severe headaches from the anti rejection medicine.  I can't help him and I can't take away his pain.  So I just lay in the bed next to him, praying over him and rubbing his head because it helps him sleep.  It is one of those moments that I want to just belt out crying like never before but I can't do that because I have to stay strong for our children.  I am counting down the days till his brothers cells begin to take root in his body.  Today is day 9.  We were told it would take 10 to 16 days to see what they are doing.  I am believing with all of me that they will begin to see them taking root.  We received a call earlier in the week from a dear dear friend who was telling us of a vision that was received about Kenneth.  This guy who he knows and cares for dearly said he saw white stars all around Kenneth coming from his body.  All of this symbolizing purity. 
Webster Definition :

1. the quality or state of being pure

2. saturation

God's love is pure and I know that He is encompassing every single one of us with that love.  He is making that which was not pure, pure!  I have questioned this walk from the beginning of why it has to be so hard and why everything around us is changing and disappearing.  I mean, I am not talking just one thing, I am talking every single thing in our lives is changing.  I have to say there is no real answer that I can personally give to this.  Only God can answer it and I have to trust God, which I do, that He is there.  I have learned so many things about myself that I don't think I would have learned otherwise because I was soooo involved in myself and my issues.  Issues that to be honest, are such a waste of time when it comes to my walk with God.  They have only served as distractions that have kept me from growing the way God wanted.  I am stronger and will be stronger when this is all over.  My husband as weak as he is at this very moment will be made whole and new and stronger then ever.  My children, all I can say is WOW!  They may have grew up a little bit more then I would have liked in the past few months but their knowledge and wisdom that is only a gift from God has grew in ways I would have ever imagined.  There is going to be that day when this walk is going to be much clearer.  When my husband will be fulfilling his calling upon his life and with a greater love and greater wisdom and knowledge then he ever had.  Until then, I am moving onward, knowing that God is wiping away our tears, and God is delivering us of our fears and one day because of this walk, we will be made stronger and because of that, so will others for His glory.