New Opportunities......

Every moment we have is a new opportunity to do something great for the Lord.  So many times I have sat back and let those moments just pass me by thinking that I will have that opportunity again.  The thing is its not about getting the opportunity again.  It's about learning to look past whatever the excuse is of not doing and just go for it.  My weight.....gosh how I can't stand being overweight.  It effects every bit of my being.   I don't take pictures because I don't like seeing what I have become.  I sit and I watch my husband and I am just in awe at how strong of a man he is and not just in the physical sense but in his love for the Lord.  The integrity that he has is beyond words.  I am blessed by God that he is in my life.  After the past few months of his sickness and the things we are still dealing with but overcoming, I have learned more then ever the meaning of new opportunities.  I don't want to waste moments out of laziness or out of fear of failure or whatever the excuses may be because God is truly all encompassing.  He gives me just what I need to overcome whatever comes my way.  He has been showing my family that since March 25th of this year.  Life is gonna be hard but life is beautiful.  The lessons we learn help to make us who we are.  I am an over comer because the Lord says I am.  My faith and hope is in Him.  So all these excuses really need to be gone.  He gives me exactly what I need to conquer whatever it is.  When I don't think I am loved, all I need to do is look around me.  His presence is there waiting for me to take His hand and walk through my trails.  I told someone today I am a major control freak.  Even in all this we have had experiences I have tried to control down to the smallest of details.  Every single time I have done that, something happens and I hear deep in my heart, "Let go and give it to me!"  You would think that after the thousandth time I would have listened and let go.  With me, I am seeing that trying to be in control of things in life only brings fears, sadness, and a very huge sense of failure.  God doesn't want me to control, He loves me enough to say, "Let Me!"   I truly with all my heart want to let Him.  My weight, is a product of my needing to control.  I felt like I needed to control my entire life from the time I was 7.  Every time I failed, I was reminded of it and being a child and now an adult I strive, I control so much just to do everything perfect.  NEWSFLASH TO ME.....I am so not perfect. I haven't been able to accept my failures and move on from them.  I have held them close to me and all the time God was saying "Let Me!"  God has revealed to me that every time I try to control whatever it is that is going on, I am setting myself up for that same failure.  I am bringing on more and more stress and drowning my pain and fears out with whatever I can.  NO MORE!!  God knew me before I was born and this is not what He planned for me!  I am going to do my very very best to release control and "Let Him."  The wonderful part about God's love is that He hasn't left me because I failed so many times but He has embraced me even more.  Helping me along the way to this very moment to see things when I was ready to see them, gentle, nuturing and loving is what He is!!  I can do all things with God, losing my weight is one of them.  My husband is gaining ground now and his white blood cells that were over 30,000 on March 25th are now 4,000 and staying there.  He is still getting over some humps but nothing that God doesn't have under control.  How funny, God's control!!!  As I lay here to go to sleep, I pray that the Lord helps me to always see His way and not mine.  That I can be obedient no matter how hard the situation is and just let Him do what He has willed.  That I will not find comfort in being in control because in the end that disappears and the false sense of comfort that was brought brings things not of God.  That in being obedient and following Him, I will lose my weight and the new moments, the new opportunities He has for me I will take for His glory!   I thank the Lord for all He does.  I thank Him for His love for me and for everyone and for new opportunities!