My Heart..........

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy9nwe9_xzw

For two years I secluded myself from the world.  I didn't want to be hurt by making friends or by meeting people.  I was full of fear and hurt from previous experiences. God uses those moments in our lives to help others but we have to step out of that darkness and into the beautiful bright light that is that of the Lord!!  We can't hide who we have been called to be.  We also have to right our wrongs and ask for forgiveness and also forgive those who have hurt us. Holding on to bitterness and fear brings nothing but more sin into our lives.  Our God is greater than that.  He loves us despite our wrongs but He wants us to strive to become more like Him.  There is no better friend then that of the Lord.  May the Lord use me and use any mistakes I have made to bless others.  I want all of me to belong to Him and Him alone.  

"Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)"

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

[6x]
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

The Smile of a Child.....

Today the following verse came to my attention while in prayer:  Then were there brought unto him little children, that he should put his hands on them, and pray: and the disciples rebuked them. 14But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven. 15And he laid his hands on them, and departed thence. Matthew 19:13-15.

Today I was in awe watching my two youngest learn and even teach me some things.  I don't think I have had so much fun and smiled so much as I have today.  I got to see why Jesus said for us to suffer the little children and forbid them not to come unto Him, for such is the kingdom of heaven.

As we grow up into adulthood, I feel like we lose track of what it means to be a child.  To smile, to laugh, to talk so freely about how we feel, to love on others.  I had the picture of the Lord placing His hands on each of my children.  My heart was so touched.  Today was our first day of In His Hands Home School.  I realized how much I have missed being a full-time part of my children's lives.  Teaching them today God's word and watching them soak it up and even add to was such a gift from the Lord to me.  I can't really express how much of an impact today had on me and on them.  The decision to bring them home was confirmed without a doubt.  We do not want our children being taught things that go against our beliefs.  We were getting tired of hearing well I just slept in class today or watched a movie.  So the decision to home school after seeing them laugh and have such a good time learning and talk about God in ways I have never heard was so amazing to me.

I give all the praise to the Lord and thank Him for bringing us to a spot where we can be a huge part of what our children are taught.  I praise the Lord for placing His hands upon my babies today and bringing life to our little class.  I can't wait to learn more myself and take this walk with them.

I imagine Heaven full of laughter and joy just as the Lord said for such is the kingdom of Heaven.  It don't get any better than that.

Healing of The Heart......Thankfulness to The Lord!!!!!!

I only try to write in my blog when the Lord gives me something but tonight I just feel the need to praise the Lord.  He has placed people in our lives over the years that have been true blessings.  Even more recently people who have really impacted our lives in a positive way.  God is truly amazing.  My husband, Kenneth, preached his first sermon last night since he got diagnosed with AML.  It was truly amazing, to see all the healing of hearts and bodies and minds.  Seeing my handsome husband following is calling was so wonderful.  I am so blessed to have such an amazing God that I get to home school my two youngest children and I have only had to spend 100 dollars to do that because of wonderful friends that He placed in my life.  Women I feel truly blessed to know and who I love dearly.  He has mended old friendships this week.  He has helped us with our finances this week.  There are so many things in just this week that the Lord has done I could write a book.  But even though this isn't going to be a long blog, I truly just want it dedicated to the Lord.  He is the beginning and the end and He is all knowing.  I love Him with all my heart and I pray that love for everyone.  I give my life to Him to be used however He needs me.  Many Blessings and much love to all.  Melissa

If God Be For Us.......

What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:31

I have been focusing on this verse much more than I ever have.  It may seem so elementary to many people but I started thinking about all that it means then just what is on the surface.  

I use to be embarrassed to say that I was not popular growing up.  I was constantly picked on and bullied even in my high school years.  I never really had friends or was never part of a click so I found myself finding comfort in being alone and letting people control my life by their teasing or bullying.  I would come home at night and cry myself to sleep because I so dreaded going back to school the next morning.  People I had as friends always had that other friend that they hung with, leaving me alone.  Some of them who I thought were close friends would even take part in the teasing at times until they thought I could be a part of their friendship again.  This cycle has repeated through out my life and I allowed it.  God was calling me to a higher purpose but I was more focused on having friends.  I have wasted so much time trying to get people to love me because I didn't know what that was.  So this verse to me has much more meaning.  

If we just took the first part and added our ending according to what the Lord wants from us.  Example; If God is for us.....we are made over comers according to His word.  What would the endings really be?  How much more would God's love become relevant in our lives?  Would our eyes be opened to newer levels with the Lord?  Would we focus more on God than on seeking acceptance of man?  I believe we would.  

I am learning that the only individual who can show me what true acceptance and love is, is the Lord.  It's when we don't see that, that we allow a door open to satan to attack us, unfortunately by using people we love.  So if God is for me.....I am loved and accepted for who He actually created me to be!!   That walk may separate me for a season from individuals or maybe forever but I am strong in the Lord to walk it.  To be honest, most people are only meant to be in our lives for a season, a lesson I have found very hard to learn.  So this blog is speaking in a spiritual sense.  Individuals are not the reason for my separation and loneliness in the past, it was a door I left open in the spiritual realm to be attacked.  When we realize what our ending is to verses like above we begin shutting those doors on Satan and demonic attacks.  It's not always easy but I know that I know the Lord is there giving us a way out like what 1 Corinthians 10:13 says. There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

Dear Father, I thank you for giving me the opportunity of growing further in your love.  I  thank you that you accepted me before I was even born.  Allow us all to find our ways according to your purpose and the doors of the enemy be shut tight, to never be opened again.  Let us always feel your love and acceptance.  In everything we do may it be for your Glory and not our own.  With so much love for you, I praise you always and forever and thank you for who you have been, for who you are and for who you are gonna be in our lives. AMEN!!

Battling the Spirit of Depression.....

John 14:18,  I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you.

This verse has always touched my heart.  It's just one of those verses that can take a bad day and turn it into the most beautiful day.  

Tonight God laid upon my heart to talk about depression and how the lies of the enemy trick us into thinking the worse.  It's not a subject that most want to talk about and to be honest even myself because when I shared what was going on with me with others I was told I was being selfish and the stigma began to come upon me from people I was very close to.  

I have battled this spirit since I can remember, which was around 5 years old.  I don't think my mom and dad understood the true extent of what I was feeling.  I myself didn't understand, I just knew that I didn't want to be sad.  I had a hard time throughout my life making and keeping friends, because this spirit had me secluded from the world and to others I wasn't someone they wanted to be friends with.  As I got older I tried hiding what I was feeling but people obviously could tell something wasn't good with me.  So they naturally stayed away from me.  Since Kenneth got sick it got worse because one minute life was great and the next everything was falling apart and we were losing everything in our lives that we had including people we loved.  

Now, I am learning to not walk backwards but to walk forwards.  God has brought healing to me personally and to my family over the past few years.  Cleansing me from the inside out.  It's very hard to feel different and try to be normal at the same time.  Especially when it comes to people you are close to and they make comments like you are being selfish or they label you as being like someone they know and tell you they don't want to be around you.  It's very hurtful.  But I am realizing everyday that what people say or do doesn't matter.  It's what God wants of you.  I believe that my Father is full of love and understanding.  Even in those moments sometimes when you want to break down.  He said He will come to me and not leave me as an orphan.  How much better is that?  For me it brings me comfort because I know He has healed me.  But for so many others, Christian and Non-Christian, sometimes it's hard to grasp that healing.  I honestly can't imagine someone who doesn't know the Lord trying to deal with this terrible spirit.  I pray for them because the pain for me at times was almost unbearable and for someone who doesn't know that the Lord is there for them it must be even more horrible.  I am blessed in the fact that I have a supportive husband that the Lord blessed me with and an amazing God who loves no matter what comes.  God can heal!!  He can restore broken friendships if He so pleases.  For me personally, I can look back and see why I was different than most people and why they shied away from me, but only from the flesh can I see why.  For me in the Spirit of God I can see why He places people in our lives to help us along the way, if even for a season.  I try to not judge someone who is different because I know what that feels like and it doesn't show who the Lord really is.  Maybe just that hug and planting that seed of healing from the Lord is all that is needed for someone.  We must remind ourselves that just because someone is a little different doesn't make them a bad person or someone you should avoid.  God gives us discernment and the ability to show love beyond all measure.  Even I need to use it especially knowing where I came from and where I am now.  

Dear Father, 

I thank you for my healing.  I thank you for the restoration of peace, love and joy in the lives of all your people.  Use us dear Lord as examples of how to be over comers through you.  Bless those who are dealing with depression and bring in your army to help them fight.  Bring people into their lives if they are not saved so that they too can come to know you and your healing power.  Let us share the fact that you will never leave us nor forsake us but will come to us always. I praise you in everything I do dear Father and I love you with all of me.  Amen  

Always tell someone how you feel.......

I saw this a few minutes ago on a friends Facebook page, "Always tell someone how you feel because opportunities are lost in the blink of an eye but regrets can last for a lifetime."  I remember when the love of my life was sitting in a hospital bed and we were being told he had 7 days at most to live without treatment being started immediately.  I remember seeing tears come from his eyes and I remember trying to be strong for him but inside absolutely being shattered into a million pieces and not knowing how to respond.  Questions, of, "How am I going to live without my husband?  What about our children, one whose birthday was the very next day?"  I remember having wonderful friends come that night to sit by our sides and making sacrifices from their own lives.  I remember some friends taking our children and making sure that Nicholas had a good birthday.  Sacrifice after sacrifice was made for us and we never ever forgot it.

God calls us to love one another.  To be kind to each other as we are all members of one working body.  We should love unconditionally.  Christ shed His blood for us.  God sacrificed His only begotten Son for us, both done unconditionally out of LOVE for us.  God healed my husband and he is now 3 years in remission.  I have not always been perfect in my walk but one thing I am grateful for is that I have the LOVE of my Savior and God.  How easy it is to look on the outside of people and judge them immediately?  Or how easy is it sometimes to get aggravated with a person and turn our backs?  I look at the above statement to be about LOVE, unconditional Agape LOVE.  It's what I felt when I saw it.  I want my life to be filled with love.  I want people to feel love all the time.  Sometimes that's an almost impossible task because of the worlds standards and ways but with God it is.  He places us here to share His LOVE.  That's what I want my heart filled with and I want to share that with whomever I come into contact with.  I want it to radiate all over me and my family so when people are in need or down or just having a rough moment they feel it.  Never have regrets for not sharing the very thing the Lord blessed us ALL with, LOVE!!

1 Corinthians 13:13,  And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is LOVE.

My Dear Father in Heaven, thank you for showing me and my family and people all over the world love.  Let us have no regrets in not doing so.  But let us walk boldly spreading your love however we can, whether it be by a hug, words or just a smile at a passing stranger.  I give you all the glory my Precious Father and thank you for showing me your unconditional LOVE.

Changes Are Here!!

Okay, so when I started my blog back I was very dark in my talking.  I was in a state of depression.  I will admit I was mad at the Lord because I felt I was alone and had no one.  However, I have since asked God for His forgiveness and I plan to do all I can to be pleasing to the Lord.  I have done many things wrong and have brought most of the mess and fear upon myself by not being obedient to the Lord. 

My number one issue, my entire life is that I have hidden myself from God's true purpose for my life.  I have done so by only wanting and seeking the approval of man.  I have not always stayed in God's word.  I have blamed the Lord for my misgivings.  I WILL no longer do that.  I know where the Lord has brought me from and I also know that I should never ever seek the approval of anyone but Him.  I will no longer be a people pleaser.  I will no longer try to be friends with those who don't want to be friends.  I was finally able today to feel honestly free for the first time in my life.  I cleaned up my Facebook page today not out of being mean but out of obedience to the Lord.  I have not been able to let go of people and things for two years. I have held tight to the things that were needing to be let go.  Old friends that I love dearly I let go because I want them to grow in the Lord more and more.  It truly has been a hard decision but it wasn't fair of me to hold on to people who don't want to be around me.  They can't grow and I can't grow.

Life is changing for the better.  I lift up everyone who has ever been or will be in my life to the Lord and I pray many blessings over them.  I am saying goodbye to my past and Praise the Lord to my future.  I place all my fears and insecurities in the Lord's hands and only He will be my guide.  I will learn to be submissive to my husband.  I want to be the mother God called me to be.  I want to be whatever it is He wants.  I know He is leading me down new paths and I am thankful for that.  I am thankful for the Godly people that He is placing in my life to guide me and give me wisdom.  Praise be to the Lord!!!